Best How to Understand Your Gender: A Practical Guide for Exploring Who You Are By Alex Iantaffi,Meg-John Barker
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Ebook About 'For anyone who's ever wished they had a smart, kind, friend with whom they could calmly and safely discuss gender issues: this most excellent book is that kind of friend'. - Kate Bornstein, author of Gender OutlawHave you ever questioned your own gender identity? Do you know somebody who is transgender or who identifies as non-binary? Do you ever feel confused when people talk about gender diversity?This down-to-earth guide is for anybody who wants to know more about gender, from its biology, history and sociology, to how it plays a role in our relationships and interactions with family, friends, partners and strangers. It looks at practical ways people can express their own gender, and will help you to understand people whose gender might be different from your own. With activities and points for reflection throughout, this book will help people of all genders engage with gender diversity and explore the ideas in the book in relation to their own lived experiences.Book How to Understand Your Gender: A Practical Guide for Exploring Who You Are Review :
The gender binary is toxic.It should be obvious by now that the gender binary is a total construct. The idea of trying to force these hyper-masculine and hyper-feminine roles and ideologies on people based on biological sex is ludicrous if you think about it.On top of that, what is masculine and what is feminine is also a construct.This whole system needs to be deconstructed.It seems kind of silly. And arbitrary.Ok, so maybe this stuff has been obvious to a lot of people, but as a straight cis male, it’s not something I’ve given a ton of thought to, regardless of my support for the LGBT community.I mean, I’ve known that the gender binary was problematic, but after thinking about it, I realize it’s just plain stupid and nonsensical.I remember once when I was little, I put a barrette into my brother’s hair. When my dad saw what I did he was pissed, and I was punished for this infraction by wearing a barrette in my hair for the rest of the day. Because what worse punishment could there be for little boy than wearing something a little girl has to wear? I’m sorry, but the gender binary is just f***ing toxic.Many people trying to force this gender binary results in abuse, destroyed relationships, and homeless kids. And, no, I don’t think I’m being dramatic.I remember being shamed by family for not cutting my nails when they needed it. “Hey, sweetie, want some nail polish?”And in my home we barely touched the tip of that iceberg. I know I was a disappointment to my father for not being the athletic boy he wanted. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to be gay - or even slightly feminine.But reading this book has made me do a lot of thinking. I started it a few months ago, read about ½ of it, and then came back to it just recently and started it over.It’s helped me to understand what other people might be going through - but even to understand myself, a cis het male, even better.Growing up, I didn’t fit the mold of how boys were supposed to be. Mainly, I wasn’t a misogynist jerk. Which, oddly, I sometimes feel like kept me from dating. (Since I didn’t aggressively cat-call and leer at and sexually objectify girls, I think a lot of people assumed I wasn’t straight.)I can see how straight cis male groups have been closed to me. Well - because my gender expression is male, these groups weren’t “closed” - but I felt like an outsider because everything else about me relates to women better. I’m more comfortable with women. I prefer talking to women. At the risk of sounding sexist, women (to me) appear to be smarter, kinder, and more interesting. So being in The South™, it’s not quite so easy to jump into groups of men (when married couples here get together, they often segregate by gender) and feel comfortable and talkative. Especially when they’re talking about nothing I have any interest in. Football. Hunting. Guns. Sometimes when the conversation turns around to work it gets interesting. And if movies come up (thank god!) I actually can add to the conversation. But most of the time, I hate it. It took me 15 years in North Alabama to find men that I could carry on conversations with.They raise some great questions in the book.Why is gender identity suddenly a thing? (It’s not, BTW.)Why are we so fixated on labeling people’s gender? (I don’t know.)When I relate so well to the feminine, why am I so comfortable expressing myself as masculine? (Is it because it feels right to me - or because I was socialized for it to feel right to me?) [The book didn’t raise this question - I did as I was reading it.]In history, how has the world approached gender identity? (Spoiler, Christianity and colonization has messed this up beyond belief.)I highly recommend this book to anyone who might be interested in gender identity. It covers a lot of bases. There are good messages here, and I agree with all of them, but unfortunately they're all drowned in an endless sea of pedantic repetition.There isn't a single thing in this book I can disagree with, but...the book is just not readable.The authors don't seem to be able to make one single, basic statement without inflating it into an entire paragraph of all...the same...technically correct, pedantic..."political correctness" boilerplate they go out of their way to repeat for eeeeevery single basic statement in the entire book.Entire sections would boil down to basic individual sentences, and the entire book would be distilled to little more than a pamphlet if it weren't for all the constantly duplicated mountains of pedantric PC repetition that preceeds EVERY SINGLE BASIC STATEMENT IN THE ENTIRE BOOK.When I was in college and took a sociology course, my professor described my writing style with the word "constipated". And I agree! But I hand over my "constipated writing style champion" crown over to the far more deserving authors of this book. 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